I don’t really know what to think when it comes to my studies. If my first problem was Gross Anatomy, now it became Physiology. Gross Anatomy wasn't much of a problem lately because our lessons are starting to get easier. Physiology is where I’m struggling right now. I couldn't understand a single lesson and our exams are becoming even more difficult. The only thing that keeps me going is that I don’t really have problems with my other subjects.

It’s like I’m not even aware of how fast the days go by because of the loads of schoolwork I have to finish. Our professors always give us craploads of schoolwork. I then remembered the amount of work I had to do back when I was still in college. I just realized that we were still having it easy back then compared to now. Even Chuck was starting to worry everytime he sees me poring over my tablet while studying our lessons.

“Jay, what have you done?” Chuck once asked me. “Wouldn’t it be much better if you’re already going to work?”

I gave what Chuck told me a thought. He does have a point. In the event that I didn’t enter Medicine school, I might have already found myself a decent job and I’ll have no worries regarding such things as schoolwork.

But I just told him, “This is what I’ve always wanted, after graduating. I’ll just need to go through it and I’ll be fine.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Chuck replied, “but are you really sure you can handle it? You know, of all the times we were together in this bedroom, this is the first time I’ve seen you suffering like that.”

There was no need for me to think up of what to say next. “Chuck, please don’t say it like that. This is what I wanted, so I’ll just have to bear with it.”

Amidst the many things I always had to do, I’ve sometimes thought of stopping everything I have been doing, put a sign on my forehead that says ‘Out of Order,’ and hibernate for the rest of the day. But no. I am a full-pledged student and I need to continue what I’m doing for the country’s brighter future. Hrgh!

If a lot of things are keeping you busy, you wouldn’t really notice the days pass by. I saw the proof when I looked at the calendar and our second shifting examinations are just around the corner. We have just arrived from church where I commended everything to Him when it came to my studies. I could still remember the priest’s sermon about John the Baptist and how he pissed off the king. But I had no time to rest or think about it in my current situation. He may have had the chance to rest on the seventh day, I am merely a human and I won’t be able to move on forward if I just rest on this day.

I was arranging all my handouts to prepare for studying when Mom knocked on my door.

“Jay, may I talk to you?”

I set my handouts aside and said, “Yes, Mom, anytime.”

Chuck wasn’t in my room because he went on a date with Ice so Mom sat on his bed. Dad also wasn’t here because he had to do something in the city court.

“Jay, I know Marky already asked you this, because we can all see that you’re giving it your all in your studies,” Mom began. “But these past days, it seemed that you’re always locking yourself in your room to study. It’s as if you don’t have time even for yourself. Please don’t take it the wrong way, but I’d like to ask you again. Are you positively sure that you can handle studying Medicine?”

I know for a fact that I didn’t answer Chuck properly when he asked me this question, so now I had the chance to thoroughly think about it. When you think about it, I can still handle studying this way, but I remembered the stuff I’m not able to do because of my studies. Back then, I was still able to go out of our apartment to have a chat with the neighbors. Oftentimes, the family was able to go out with me tagging along with them after going to church. Now, because of my schoolwork, I’m not able to do these things anymore. We go straight home after that.

“Mom, maybe there are things I may not be able to do because of my studies,” I explained, “but when you think about it, it’ll all be worth it when I finish this. Besides, just like I told Chuck, I can probably handle this because this is what I wanted in the first place.”

“That’s good,” she said, but it still looked like she was worried, “but are you really sure that you weren’t forgetting anything because of that?”

I thought long and hard. “I… don’t think so. Is there?”

“Why don’t you go out of your room so you’ll know,” she replied, and she suddenly smiled.

I don’t really get where she’s going, so I just followed her instruction. I came out of my room and there, I saw Dad, Chuck, Ice, Mang Gido, and Nanny Imang in the kitchen with some food, a birthday cake, and all of them chorused, “Happy birthday, Jay!”

I couldn’t speak because my mind started to race. I looked at all of them and I couldn’t hold back tears. I apparently forgot my own birthday because of what I was doing.

“Jay, my son,” Mom said, “we didn’t expect you would forget your own birthday yesterday. It’s a good thing we remembered it.”

I wiped my tears, looked for the nearest chair, and there I sat and stared at blank space for a long time. Several seconds passed before I was able to finally speak.

“I don’t deserve any of this,” I began while shaking my head. “I couldn’t even remember my own birthday because of everything I’m worrying about. What if I forget your birthdays?” I needed to let a few moments pass because I tried to hold back more tears coming out from my eyes. It’s a good thing I managed to hide it this time. “I don’t want that to happen. I’m so sorry.” I then hung my head in shame.

“Come now, Jay, of course it’s alright for us,” Dad said. “We do understand your situation so if this happens, we know that you’re persevering to study. So you don’t have to worry about anything. We’re always be here to support you.”

“Okay, I’m really sorry. And thank you, all.” That was the only thing I was able to say as I looked at all of them.

“Okay fine, fine, enough drama,” Chuck said. “We need to be happy today because it’s your birthday.”

“Here, here, Chuck. I’m already holding back my tears for that,” I snapped back.

Just like Chuck said, it was a happy day for all of us. After eating our fill, all of us watched a movie in Ice’s external hard drive using Mom’s projector. I know I still have lots of studying to do for our second shifting exams, but considering our situation right now, that we’re together as a family, this can wait until the following day.

One week between my birthday and the first day of our shifting exams came and went like a speeding train. One by one, the days of our examinations arrived, from the first, the second, the third, up until the fifth day. I’m not really sure about the results of my exams, but one thing’s for sure: I know I did all my best for our second shifting exams.

I was just coming out of our building when I noticed something new on our bulletin board for out PE. It says there that tomorrow’s our last meeting in the dojo and we’ll be having a presentation with our sparring partner. I then didn’t realize that Andre was standing behind me.

“Ramon, I knew I’m going to find you here. I’ve been looking for you for ages,” he said.

“Ah, Elvis, it’s you. Uh, why were you looking for me?” I asked him while looking around, in case someone was listening.

“Ramon,” he began using his deep voice, “I’ve been noticing this for a long time and it’s only now that I had the chance to ask you this. Are you avoiding us?”

I was shocked by what he asked me. “W-what? Avoiding? Why would I do that?”

Andre crossed his arms and hung his head as if thinking deeply. “You have been a bit distant these past months. Well, let’s not consider the times when we’re eating lunch with Ash, but we seldom see you around anymore. You’re also always in a hurry to leave the university. As your friend, I’m very worried about you. I could not help but think that we may have done something that might have offended you or something. So I want to ask you if there’s a problem. You know you can trust me. I also trust you, my friend.”

I know perfectly why he was asking me this. These past months, I always leave the classroom hurriedly after our classes because I was then extremely busy. Thinking about it more thoroughly, I remembered that I wasn’t even able to say goodbye to them when I had to leave early. Anyone would think that they’re being avoided when someone’s acting that way. I then realized that I have neglected not only my family and myself because of my studies, even my friends are becoming distant from me.

I looked at my watch and I saw that it was still quarter-past-ten in the morning. Andre then said, “Would you like to go to the garden? I’d like to talk to you. It’s been a long time since we had a long conversation.”

I agreed. When we arrived at the garden, I remembered the day I met Andre. That day, I found out that he’s actually the prince of Regalceltic. Andre then immediately asked me something. “Is there something bothering you?”

I really wasn’t in the right mind at that time, so I answered, “No, nothing. Well, there’s nothing, I think.”

Andre took a deep breath and said, “You know, I’ve noticed that you often scratch your sideburns when you lie.”

I stared at Andre for a long time, then I smiled and shook my head slightly. “You know, Andre, if you want to ask me something, just ask. You wouldn’t need to use some Psychology crap on me because first, I already know how to counter them. Second, we’re friends, so you can trust that I would tell you the truth.”

“R-really?” he asked, amazed. “You can already counter them?”

I stared at him again. “Alright fine, maybe I wasn’t telling the truth when I said that nothing’s bothering me,” I told him and I started to explain everything that I’ve gone through these past months.

“So yeah, because I’ve worn myself in studying, I’ve neglected a lot of things,” I finished my story. “I don’t think this is normal. Is there a problem with me? Do you think I deserve to become a doctor? You know, I envy our classmates. Even though it looks like they don’t study, it’s like they get really high marks, while I go tire myself in studying only for my effort to go to waste. For sure, their semestral break would be peaceful because they already know that they’re going to have high marks. As for me, let’s just say I’ll spend sleepless nights thinking about my results whether I passed or failed.”

During the very long period that I’m like this, this is the first time that I was able to say this to someone. I couldn’t possibly find a way to say this to my parents, even to Chuck, but I managed to say this to Andre. And because I already said this to him, my chest seemed to feel a lot lighter. I could already compare myself to a dump truck that just emptied its load.

I looked at Andre and I saw that he’s smiling widely. “You know, Ramon, you wouldn’t need to feel nervous if you’re just thinking of grades. If you base everything on our exams alone, you’ll really think that you’re not good. But I always see you answer our professors everytime we have group discussions. I’m actually very impressed everytime you present something in Gross Anatomy because you even print out illustrations for that. And who would forget the time when you dissected that frog faster than anyone during that lab session in Physiology? Even when I was in another group that time, I can see very clearly that you’ve done that in under two minutes. Michelle would never call you ‘Senpai’ if you’re really not that good, am I right?”

I thought of everything he said to me. Again, I really don’t know what to say because of the large amount of compliments I’m receiving from Andre because I’m not used to this. But if I think about it, he’s right. As I remember, I’m almost always the one who answers our professors’ questions during group discussions.

“Besides,” Andre continued, “it’s because you never come with us after class. Some of us actually meet and we all help each other in doing schoolwork so when we finally go home, we’ll only have to study for a little bit. We couldn’t really blame you if you don’t come with us because you immediately go home to do all those by yourself.”

I turned to him when he said that. “R-really? I didn’t know that we can…”

“My friend, Medicine is not an easy course, even in other countries,” Andre laughed. “I’m actually astonished because you can do that insane amount of schoolwork all by yourself. Next time, you should join us so you could take it easy. And right, I think I’ll make a Facebook page where we can talk about the things we’ll need to do next time. Don’t be like our other classmates who keep things to themselves. We need to help each other up.”

I smiled because of what he said. “That’s a very good idea. And you’re right, I’m sure it’ll help me loads.”

Andre and I happily went out of the garden. For the first time on four months, I was able to smile again while walking. It’s a really good feeling to have a friend that worries about you.

As Mang Gido picked me up, he immediately noticed a change in me. “Oho, it looks like you’re really happy today, huh?”

“Is it too obvious?” is the only thing I told him.

The following night was pretty uneventful, so I just went straight to sleep. I silently lay down my bed because my spirits have finally calmed down.

Dad was the one who drove me to school next morning for our last meeting in PE. Chuck had to go to Olongapo and Mom didn’t have to go to school today so it’s only me and Dad who are in the car.

Without warning, Dad violently stepped on the brakes and pressed the car’s horn for a very long time. I couldn’t see clearly what happened, but I just saw a motorcycle driving away from us at the corner of my eye. I suddenly looked straight at Dad because nothing could have prepared me when he cursed out loud. It’s only the very first time I heard him swear like that since the day I was born here on earth. If you look at it this way, I should have been the one to swear at this situation. He also turned towards me and I saw his face wearing an expression as if he made a big mistake.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” he said weakly and continued driving to our university.

When the car finally came to a stop across our dojo, Dad talked to me.

“I’ll just go pick you up later when it’s time for your dismissal, is it alright?” he asked.

“Yes, it’s alright,” I answered a bit more polite than normal. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that he swore a while ago after almost being hit by a motorcycle.

I said goodbye to him and went out of the car to enter the dojo.

When I was done putting on my judo uniform for our last presentation, our coach announced that for the first hour, one of us among the sparring partners shall play the uke, or the one who receives an attack, while the other will play the seme, or the attacker. For that whole hour, our coach shall watch us doo all the counterattacks we have learned for the whole semester. Toby let me be the seme first, meaning I’ll be the one who’ll have to drop Toby to the mat for the first hour before he does it to me at the next hour.

Toby and I were walking towards our coach when he suddenly spoke. “Magsangcay-kun, are you sure you can perform well on this day?”

I don’t know why our coach was saying this. I looked at Toby and it looked like he was in perfect shape. An important rule inside the dojo is that no one should practice if any part of your body is feeling unwell. It looked like there weren’t any problems at first sight, but I noticed that there was a small bruise on his right ankle.

Before I can ask Toby what happened to his ankle, he immediately answered our coach’s question. “I believe I can do excellently today, Hiragizawa-sensei.”

Our coach closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and then told us, “Okay, you may now commence, Magsangcay-kun and Sereno-kun!”

Toby knows that I’m good at using my feet in order to trip my opponent so he often directs his attacks in front of me. It looked like our coach was impressed by our performance so he called on the next pair for their turn.

But when we’re already going back to the waiting area, I felt that I forgot to remove my necklace. A big violation of the rules here in the dojo would be wearing anything hard on your body during training. I wanted to remove it, but if I were to remove it right here and now, the others would see it, including Sensei himself. I then decided to hide it behind my t-shirt and hope to hell that no one would notice.

While waiting for the first hour to pass, I asked Toby, “Toby, would you mind telling me what happened to your foot?”

“Oh, this?” he looked at his slightly bruised ankle. “It’s nothing, I just hit it in the van yesterday.”

“Is that so?” I just told him. “Well, are you really sure you could perform later? You know practicing with injuries is prohibited.”

“It’s fine, it’s nothing,” he just said reassuringly. “Besides, it’s you whom I should ask that question because it’ll be you whom I’ll throw around in front of Sensei.”

I smiled at this. “You know, Toby, even if I entered here unwillingly, I, at least, still know what I’m doing, so you also have nothing to worry about.”

“That’s good,” he said.

“This’ll probably be a breeze for you, because you have been doing judo before,” I told him. It looked like our turn won’t be any minute so I started a conversation because I don’t want to just stare at nothingness while waiting for something.

“You can probably say that, but to tell you the truth, it’s not the case, either,” he responded. “Among us brothers, I learned the slowest when it comes to fighting.”

“Oh, so your whole family does judo, too?” I asked.

“Not only judo, but other martial arts as well. My favorite would be mixed martial arts, because it will test your skills in all kinds of martial arts,” he explained. I noticed that his face brightened considerably while talking about it. It’s already a good thing his whole family got into it. “How about you, how’s judo so far? I think it’s difficult for someone like you to get used to doing judo, especially if you’re not into any physical activity in the first place.”

I got slightly flustered by what he said. “Uh, to be honest, I have no interest in any physical activity. I just like staying inside my room and play some Zelda games, or maybe play a few rounds of chess with Dad. Maybe, after our last day here in the dojo, I’ll back to normal, locking myself in my room, just like always. Nevertheless, I’m still grateful because I still had the chance to have a PE, even as a Medical student. Clinical Epidemiology was removed from our curriculum, so we still have to have something to fill in the missing units, and that was PE. Besides, I think my brother was right. I need to do something physical if I don’t want mushrooms to grow on my head.”

“Your brother’s pretty cool, I’ll tell you,” Toby chuckled. “Oh right, after this, we’ll have another kind of PE. I would have wanted our PE to last all year long, so we don’t have to rush everything in learning judo.”

“That’s what I heard,” I said. “When I think about it, I’d also want it to last the whole year. If we do have another type of PE next semester, we won’t be classmates anymore.”

“Oh no. We will still be classmates next semester,” Toby responded. “It’s only the PE that’ll change, but up until our second year, we’ll all be classmates.”

I found myself smiling at what he said. “That’ll be great! But in my case, it’ll be four years. This is what they used to replace ClinEp.”

“It’s lucky that you’ll have PE until your fourth year,” Toby muttered sadly.

I was unable to give him a response because our turn to perform arrived early. This time, I’ll be the one taking the role of the uke so I prepared my body and mind for every throw that Toby will do to me.

I attacked Toby up close because I know he’s really good at lifting and throwing me around. Just as I predicted, he did the Tsurikomi Goshi, but when he lifted me up in the air, it seemed that his stance was wrong. His right foot seemed to be shaking. He then cried in agony and finally collapsed while I fell on top of him.

I really wasn’t supposed to be hurt just by falling on top of him, but it just so happened that his elbow was just at the right place in order for my stomach to fall exactly where it is. So the moment we fell, I suddenly felt like I was punched violently in the stomach, but much worse, because it was an elbow that hit me instead of a fist.

I could still hear Toby’s screams because of his hurting foot, but I got dizzy little by little because of the pain I’m feeling. I couldn’t scream because if I did, I feel that I’d vomit my vital organs once I open my mouth. The whole place soon started to darken and I then felt as though I’m falling to an ocean churned by a raging storm. I’m not sure if this is the feeling of someone passing out because of the injury to my stomach, but I felt as though I’m being thrown to and fro by the giant waves. Yes, I know perfectly well how to swim, but in my shape, I’ll still drown even if I’m an expert swimmer. But I still floated on the water while the waves hit me nonstop until I got tossed into the sand by a large wave. I don’t know which part of my body doesn’t hurt anymore because of what happened. Thank God, I’m slowly growing numb, until I finally lost consciousness.