"Aya, go outside and play, alright? Mom and Dad will have a little talk." Dad said to me as I looked up at him. Talk? Maybe he wanted to give Mommy a gift? Were we going on a date? The three of us? I grew excited at the thought. Was he finally going to give Mommy a surprise?   "Are you and Mommy going out Dad? Are we going out?" I asked, jumping up and down with a silly smile on my face. Dad looked at me strangely, putting his hand on my head and shaking his own.   "Just go outside, okay?"   "Okay!"   I obeyed, a skip on my step as I bounced out the room. Looking back, I saw Mommy gaze at me with that 'look' on her face. The look that I didn't understand. Dad shut the door while I kept staring.   You see, Mommy and Dad were always apart. We rarely go on dates and picnics with each other. Mommy was a freelance artist and Dad was... well... you could say an unemployed office worker. Dad fell in love with Mommy and she said yes to him. They dated, they flirted, Mommy even told me that her co-workers online encouraged their relationship. Although, she did resign from being an artist because she was going to have me. She told me that Dad loved her and that I was loved too. He rarely came home and I don't see him often. When he does, it was him acting funny and screaming at Mommy and saying things that didn't make sense.   Mommy never said much words even when I was there in the room, not knowing what was happening. When Dad left after his screaming match, she always goes to this secret corner in our house being hunched all over with her hands covering her face. I didn't understand back then but I tried to cheer her up by making faces and doing tricks for her, saying; "Smile Mommy! Please smile for me!"   "Here lemme show you something I learned! Please smile mommy! Don't be sad no more! I love you!"   It happened so many times that I couldn't even count it anymore. I still see her cry after Dad screams at her when he comes home.   I don't know, was that his way of saying he loved Mommy?   I'm six years old now by the way!   Oh! And today is Valentines Day which means Dad is probably going to ask Mommy on a date!   I sat outside and keep playing, waiting for them to finish their talk. Though, being the curious child I was, I got up and looked around at the apartment rooms that were left open (we recently moved out of our old home). Dashing to the room closest to ours, I climbed up a double bunk bed and tried peeking through the open grills. I couldn't see anything. I heard Dad raise his voice.   Is Mommy going to be okay? Is Dad angry?   Dad loves Mommy, right?   I ran to another room near the back of our apartment and tried listening in again. My body was on alert as I kept my ears and eyes open, trying to see through the small hole of the ceiling that separated our room.   Dad please don't yell at Mommy! I love you! I love Mommy! Do you love and care for us?   And then it came...   "You're worthless! If you weren't so disabled and didn't become stupid I would've continued loving you!" Dad screamed, his voice echoing round the apartment rooms shaking me to the bone.   Oh no! He was mad!   "Stupid? Disabled? Why are you screaming at my face? Don't raise your voice at me." Mother tried to calmly reply with her wobbling voice. I felt myself tremble as I heard the aggression, the growl, and the huffs of Dad in the small room.   I couldn't stand it.   I heard something click and I tensed up once more, my breathing ragged.   More screaming from Dad, the calm voice of my mother, then another click and a final word that broke my heart into pieces making me hurry to the front of mine and Mommy's apartment room.   "I'll kill you with this gun! Once I do then I'll kill myself! I'll include other people too because of you! You ruined my life!"   "DADDY! STOP IT! STOP IT PLEASE! DON'T HURT MOMMY!" I cried, my cheeks wet as I slammed the door with futile hands again and again. "PLEASE DADDY! DON'T HURT MOMMY! DON'T HURT HER!"   "Why are you going to include other people? Why are you going to kill yourself? You want to shoot me? Then shoot! I'm here standing!" Mommy said. I cried even more, lungs feeling like it was on fire while my whole world dimmed.   "MOMMY! MOMMY! PLEASE! DADDY, STOP IT! DON'T HURT MOMMY!"   "I really will! You can't stop me!"   "Go right ahead! I'm waiting!"   "MOMMY!"   Silence. So ghastly and eerie you could cut it with a butter knife. My gasps for air and begs still didn't stop. My brain is foggy and I don't know what to do other than cry for Dad to spare Mommy from being—from being taken away from me.   Had he heard?   "I'm through with you. I don't love you, we're over. Keep Aya and don't ever show your face to me ever again or I swear I'll kill you." Dad's voice rang with authority.   "That's better. I don't even like your attitude in the first place. Fine go away, we're over. You didn't even put anything in our relationship." Mom replied. I couldn't read her tone.   I couldn't.   The door opened. I took a step back, gazing at the man that I called my Dad. Was he.. Why did he look at me like that? Is he going to yell at me too?   "Dad..." I began. Why was I sobbing again?   "Goodbye Aya, take care of yourself. Dad will come back for you. Don't cause trouble, alright?" He cooed and reached for me. Perhaps he intended to pat my head or something.   I took a step back, looked away from him and then ran for Mommy who was in our apartment, slamming the door infront of Dad's face. He deserved it. He was going to leave me and Mommy.   "Mommy.." I called, walking over to her form that was sitting on the bed looking at me with sadness. It made me burst and crawl on her lap as I cried and hugged her. She held me and rocked me, told me that it was going to be alright, that she was alright, that we would both be fine. Are we going to be?   "Mommy? Are you—"   "I'm fine, my love. Hush now, I'm okay, we're alive. We'll survive through this and with you here by my side... You are my strength. Don't forget that." She said, kissing my forehead as I fell asleep.   I lost track of time that day only aware that I had been crying for 2 hours without break. Mommy and I were never the same after the incident happened.   It's been twelve years since that event. I still remember it so vividly, the yells and the terror that I felt for my mother's safety, my heart being torn to shreds and grinded into powder seeing him walk out of our lives. The wounds have faded but the scar still remains. My heart can feel it with every numb beat it produces.   Father never got me to come to his new home. He moved on too, got another family and had another kid. They still tormented mother and I for a while until I was around eight years old. He still visits me on occasions but... I don't feel like I want him here anymore.   It's Valentine's Day again, the year now being February 2021. I've reached the early stage of being an adult. I'm an eighteen year old woman who has a job to support myself and my mother now.   I had a bouquet of roses and a bunch of chocolate in my other hand, walking down the streets and arriving at a place where I am supposed to meet Mother. We were going on a date in a mall and I was excited! I had to treat her out, you know?   I was about to reach for my phone when someone suddenly tapped me on the shoulder and I looked up, about to ask the person what they wanted. I halted, staring at the face of my father who I had not seen in a while. It made my heart clench and my brain go haywire seeing him here walking casually with his new family.   "Father." I acknowledged, putting on a mask and greeting him with all the respect I had. Atleast what was left of it.   "Aya," He began, awkward air surrounding him while I contemplated if I should run or stay. "What are you doing here? Why are you alone? Did your mother leave you here?"   "I'm not alone. Mother is coming and we're going on a date with each other," I replied swiftly, looking away from him and playing with the flowers in my hand. "You should probably go with your family. They're waiting."   "....Do you want to join us? I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind." He asked again. Insistent aren't we? He didn't ask nicely like that in the past.   "That's nice, Father but Mother and I have plans. Please enjoy your date with your family. I will be fine with mother and myself.." I trailed off, my voice going soft as I recalled all the times he failed to be there in Valentines, in wiping away my mother's tears, and being the figure that he was supposed to be. He was never there in the first place. "Treat them well and not like how you treated us. Don't let the past repeat itself. Not on you and not on your new family. Don't repeat what you did to me and mother."   "You—"   I turned on my heel and walked away, feeling my lungs burn and my eyes sting with ever step as the things I said set in. I was officially letting him go. He may still be my father and I may have forgiven him... but I will not let him in on my life again so he can hurt me even more.   Memories flashed behind my blinking lids.   His gaze is there, staring at my retreating form. I can feel and see his confusion, trying to process the information that I gave him today.   I didn't look back, seeing my mother in the distance who I rushed to greet and hug. She was the reason I was still here in the first place. She didn't give up on me neither did she on herself.   "Are you okay?" Mother asked, worry evident on her tone.   I hugged her tighter, trying to keep my voice down before it could hitch. "I'm fine, Ma. Don't worry. I'm fine."   It was going to be okay, even though my heart and brain says it will never be the same. I would suffer from the consequences of what my father did to us. We would heal but never truly be mended.   "Are you sure? You didn't eat onions did you?" She teased.   I laughed, shaking my head. "Ma! We're going to the mall! Is it really appropriate to eat onions at a time like this? Oh! I got you something by the way! Happy Heart's Day!"   I presented the items I brought for her.   And that was it. That was how my Valentines started in the past and how it ended with a new step in my life that would put ramifications and decisions that my shoulders could not carry.   I stepped through the darkness. And I still remain there.