It feels great to wake up and the first thing you see is the face of your favorite someone. I smiled and caressed his face, thinking of how lucky I am to be with this man. I felt him snuggling up closer before greeting me, “Good morning.”   “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” I asked and kissed his forehead. He shook his head as an answer. I whispered a laugh when he held onto me tightly because he knows that I’ll get up. “Babe, I also want to cuddle with you all day but we have to eat breakfast.” I didn’t wait for his reply, I got up and left him on the bed. I knew he needed 10 more minutes to realize that Mr. Sun is now taking over. I went into the kitchen and prepared his favorite breakfast─ sunny side up and fried rice matched with his coffee. As I put down his plate on the table, I saw him exiting our room. Scratching his head and fixing his clothes. He then opened his eyes, greeted me with the warmest smile and mouthed the words, “I love you.”   It started in 7th grade, along the school hallway. A guy with his gigantic bag and weird earrings bumped onto me. He didn’t even bother to stop on his tracks and apologize. I wasn’t mad. Actually, I didn’t even care. The next encounter was in 8th grade, first day of school in a room with books and paper. A new guy entered the room with a teacher by his side, still wearing his stupid earrings. He sat next to me and he was…   “…Stell Asole. You can call me Stell or Sol, your pick.”   “Nocturne Lune.” We were never friends. We knew each other as ‘a-classmate-I-sit-next-to.’ We did talk but it was rare. And if we did it would be about school. He wasn’t special, I treated everyone like that.   The first time we had a normal conversation was in 11th grade. We were partnered up for an assignment. We agreed to do it in my house─ in my room to be more specific. He was a guest so I left him to get some snacks. When I came back, I saw him holding a notebook. I panicked when I realized that it was the notebook where I usually write stories. I rushed to him and tried to retrieve my stuff.   “I didn’t know you were an author.” He said, teasing me.   “I’m not──I mean this isn’t mine. This is my sister’s? Because I totally have a sister!” You don’t have to tell me, that was a horrible lie. There was silence for a few minutes before he spoke again.   “You’re an only child, are you?”   “Yeah… I’m an only child…”   “Why would you need to lie? Your stories are really good! They made me feel things and imagine stuff. And that doesn’t happen often.” The way he described it was really funny. He even closed his eyes and pretended that he was reaching out for something. I laughed at his actions and sat next to him.   “It’s a stupid dream. I won’t get good money with writing.” My mother would always remind me that I wouldn’t get anywhere with writing.   “But you like writing, right?” I didn’t answer, I just waited for his next words. “I think it’s better to do something you like and receive small money rather than getting good money and do something you don’t even enjoy. Don’t you think so?” I was still silent. I couldn’t talk─ I didn’t know what to say. I never liked talking about me wanting to be a writer. I tried changing the topic by pointing at his weird earrings.   “How about you? Why are you wearing this? This isn’t really your style, right?” He just shrugged as an answer. “I guess the same applies to you. Do you really want people to like you for this act? Will you be happy with that?” We couldn’t keep track of time. By the time we did notice it, 4 hours have passed with just us talking about random stuff. Our friendship probably started with that. We talked more, ate together at lunch and even played games. He also slowly got rid of his “trendy” style and acted more like himself.   In 12th grade, Sunday morning, a guy was in front of a flower shop admiring the beauty of petals and leaves. In 12th grade, Sunday morning, I was also in front of a flower shop. The only difference was it wasn’t the flowers that caught my eye. He had his eyes close and a smile displayed on his face. I felt a warm feeling and looking at him made time stop. What is this feeling? I couldn’t approach him after that, I kept feeling scared of this unknown feeling. I didn’t want to approach him without finding out the answer for my questions.   “Are you avoiding me?” It was a rainy day and I forgot to bring my umbrella so I had to wait for it to stop. I waited in front of the school and he was there. I was scared, I wasn’t ready for a talk yet. I turned to see him only to see that his face was as gloomy as the sky.   “I am…it’s just that─ there’s thing inside me. It’s weird and I don’t know how to embrace it. Its warm but what if it’s just an alluring fire? What if I embrace it─ I’m afraid that it’ll burn me…I was never introduced to this─ I mean they did but I was told that I’ll only feel this with a girl. What is this? Is this normal?” I was panicking. I was hoping that he knew the answer and that he would tell me.   “What does this have to do with me─”   “BECAUSE YOU MADE ME FEEL THIS WAY! You brought up feelings I don’t─ I’m not even aware of─” While I was panicking, he grabbed my face and stared into my eyes. His eyes looked beautiful and it was enough to calm the storm inside me.   “Do you like me?” I left his eyes and I started panicking again.   “I don’t know─ we’re both guys. I was told that this wasn’t─” He grabbed my face again and brought my eyes back to him. These questions that I had didn’t matter because I found the answer in his eyes─ I found the answers in him.   “Yes.”   Those memories felt like it was yesterday. We’re adults now and I’m still with him. He still gives me that weird calming feeling and it still brings out emotion I’ve never even thought of; I will never get tired of it.   “Its late you should go home.” The voice of a co-worker woke me up from my daydreaming. I took a glance at my watch. It was ten in the evening. He’s probably waiting for me at home, I packed my things and left the office. The night was busy and the city seemed bright with all the stars; he would love this view. I stopped by a flower shop and bought a bouquet of flowers with an orange blossom because I knew how much he loved these. When I reached our home, I was shocked when a familiar face welcomed me. It was my mother.   She took the bouquet I bought for him. “Mom, what are you doing here? Where is Sol?”   “Thank you for this but dinner’s ready so go to your room and change. We’ll eat after.” She ignored my words. I watched as she went inside the kitchen.   “Welcome home. I don’t know how she got in. She was already here when I got home.” I found him in our room. He looks uneasy, he was always like that whenever he needed to face my mother. I smiled at him to assure him that its alright.   “Its okay. Come on, let’s eat. You’re probably hungry.” He took my hand and we left the room. My mom was preparing our meal and offered us to take a sit. When she finished fixing the table, she took a sit in front of us and started eating. A few seconds later she opened her mouth to talk.   “Why are you two still together?” I stopped eating and put down my spoon.   “What?” I wanted to check if I heard her correctly. I didn’t want to get mad at my own mother.   “I’m asking why are you two still together? You’ve had your fun. Stop this already.” She still continued eating like what she said was nothing.   “What? I thought you’re okay with this? You didn’t say anything when I introduced you to him.”   “Well, that’s because I thought it was just a phase and you’ll get over it. Lune, you’re 25. At this age you should be getting married or expecting your first child. Don’t hate your mother for this, I just want you to be happy.” I couldn’t believe that she was saying this in front of my partner. He wasn’t talking or reacting but I knew that he was feeling uncomfortable.   “But I am happy─”   “RIDICULOUS! HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WITH A MAN?!” It was supposed to be a whisper. I was disappointed but I lost my words and I couldn’t talk anymore. “Just stop this nonsense. My friend’s daughter is single. You should go on a date with her when your schedule clears up.” I felt Sol reached for my hand, he wanted to tell me that he was fine. He wasn’t. “I’ll be going.” Out of all the words that came out of her mouth, that was the best thing I’ve ever heard. When she left the house, there was only silence. We were both staring at the food in front of us. The hunger felt like it left. We were just thinking of words to say.   “Will you follow your mom’s words? Will you leave me?” I left his hands holding me and stood up. I felt his eyes following my movement.   “I don’t know. I can’t disappoint her.” I whispered but I was sure that he heard that.   We haven’t really had a time to talk. A week after that, Sol got a call from his sister but he didn’t tell me what they talked about. He started looking pale and he eats less these days. I also got a call from my mother saying that the daughter of his friend was free and that I should take her out to eat. I can’t go against my mother’s words so I took the time to dress up and prepare for this date. The door to our room opened and he entered.   “Where are you going?” This was the first time he asked me something in a while.   “I’ll eat out.” I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell him the exact truth. I was afraid of hurting him but I can’t disappoint. I was about to exit our room when I heard him call my name.   “Stay. Please.”   “What?”   “Have fun. Don’t go home late.” I left the house with a heavy feeling. He smiled at me. But it wasn’t his usual smile. If he wanted me to stay why didn’t he just repeat himself?   I shouldn’t have left him alone. While I was in a fancy restaurant, wearing a fancy suit, eating and talking to a random person; he was in an empty room, crying and waiting for my return. I should’ve stayed.   By the time I got home, he was already in bed. No lights were open and the room was a mess. I stood by the window and looked outside. The night was still busy, the city still seemed bright with all the stars. I saw birds roaming the sky. I also wanted to be free, to spread my wings and do what I want. To enjoy life, to enjoy love. But I can’t─ I’m trapped inside my mother’s warm. A cage that I thought was keeping me safe from harm. I should’ve noticed earlier that it was keeping me prison. I was chained to my mother’s vision; escaping would be nothing but a dream. I wanted to shatter, to break and cry but I was told to appear as a strong man. And that I shouldn’t ask for help or look weak. That night I tried so hard to sleep, hoping that if I sleep it off it’ll disappear.   In the middle of the night, I woke up from the sound of someone sobbing and the feeling of tears falling from my face. I didn’t open my eyes; I was just lying there listening to his sobs. I wanted to comfort him but how can I fix someone if I can’t even fix myself?   When the sun came out, I was the first one to awake. I didn’t do anything, I just stared at him. I was confused and I didn’t know what to do and who to choose. When he woke up the first thing he did was stare into my eyes. He hugged me tightly and the tears I was keeping got out. He didn’t say anything, he was letting me cry on his shoulders and here I was wondering why he was comforting me when I couldn’t do that with him.   After bawling my eyes out, we prepared breakfast and ate together. That day, we didn’t talk. We played games, watched a movie and read books together; We were just enjoying each other’s company. Just for a day, let’s forget the drama and act like kids. I wish that day didn’t end. When night came, we stayed in bed holding each other.   “Lune, when I’m gone and you want to marry, you have my permission. But please leave some space for me in your heart.” He whispered a laugh after. I kept quiet and just let him talk. “Lune, pursue your dreams. I want to read your stories someday and brag about it.” I had this bad feeling but I still kept silent. “Lune, let’s visit my grandma’s grave. I want to see her. Lune, I’m tired.” I kissed his forehead and wished him goodnight.   “Rest.”   “Lune…” for some reason whenever he calls my name my heart breaks a little. “I love you.”   “I love you more.”   The sun came out again and as usual I was the first one to wake up. I kissed his forehead before getting out of bed. I prepared his favorite breakfast─ sunny side up and fried rice partnered with his coffee. I got myself ready and entered our room to wake him up. “Sol, wake up. Breakfast’s ready. It’s your favorite.” I got no response so I tried again.   “Sol, come on. You had your 10 minutes.” I didn’t get a reply again. By this time, tears were starting fall from my face. I laughed at myself. “Come on, why am I even crying? Sol, wake up, please? Fine, I’ll give you more time. Rest well, love. I love you.” He always had terrible sleeping positions so I tried t fix it. I covered him in a blanket because what if he gets cold. I didn’t leave him alone, I sat next to him crying because what if he wakes up and look for me.   In 7th of October, a guy slept peacefully, so peaceful that he didn’t bother to wake up.   …   THE END